I’ve been co-dependent since I can remember I think as I close Deepak Chopra’s book ‘A Path to Love’. I opened it this morning not expecting it to be exactly what I needed to read but more. Post divorce and getting here came with incredibly painful, challenging, life changing moments. It was a year where most of the time I felt like I was playing Tennis alone.
I moved to a quaint, beautiful place in Newport Coast that was built on burial grounds (formerly) those burials were excavated I found out after searching google endlessly to find out if someone died there. My roommate and I knew the first day there it was haunted, we just knew and we were both fascinated.
A beautiful, tree lined path surrounded the small gated community and I’ll never forget the first night I took my dogs for a walk. I got stuck in my tracks, a knowing crept up, I’ve been here before…I knew it and the only way to describe it was it felt like home and I loved it. Each day I looked forward to walking the pathway, I would have wake up moments, some of the things I had lost inside of me were emerging with each passing day. I started to remember all of the things I used to do for me, the simple things, I became more aware of the things I left behind for love.
In the midst of this I had a life changing epiphany. I was hurt by someone and rather than sit in that pain for too long I sat and wrote down ‘love yourself first’ because you are not doing this again. Self love was something I would talk about but I really didn’t do the work to uncover what that meant.
That was almost a year ago where nothing changed and everything changed. Where losing everything become the biggest blessing because in reality what I lost was an idea of a person I thought I should be, but I define me, and you define you. I work with several energy healers who have led and are leading me on a path where self love is the non negotiable, because without it I’ll never know who I am and what my soul really wants. It’s easier said but in doing the work and focusing on heart centered meditations I’ve started to find a state of happiness without expectation, a peaceful knowing.
It’s enlightening, deciding that there’s a better way to live and you’ll do whatever it takes to live that way because the freedom is more beautiful than can be described and it’s a sure thing that if you love yourself and live in the moment, the universe will have your back.