Preconceived No-Shows

pre·con·ceived
adjective: pre-conceived
(of an idea or opinion) formed before having the evidence for its truth or usefulness.  “the same set of facts can be tailored to fit any preconceived belief”

When I read the statistics on how many singles there are in Southern California I literally did a double take. It’s an astounding number, yet it doesn’t have to be.

Born and raised in Los Angeles, I see people’s unrealistic expectations of “what love looks like” on a daily basis. What he looks like or what he does for a living or what she does for a living or what she looks like; does it really matter? When I was single, I was dating what I thought my “type” was. It turned out I did not know my “type” at all. My “preconceived notions” were the problem, because love is all encompassing and I found that out time and time again.

As a married matchmaker, when someone says “no” to a potential match because the photo, a one dimensional photo, isn’t that client’s type, I have to remind myself that person may have preconceived notions. That’s when I ask the question “why would you ever say no to someone based on a photo”?  How do you know this person won’t be the one? How do you know if you don’t meet them? The “preconceived notion” is why so many people are single. She/He doesn’t look like my type, they don’t represent who I see myself with, my friends might not think this person is good looking enough or whatever the excuse may be. So what happens? They stay single.

People have no idea what love actually looks like. How could they? What does it mean to fall and stay in love, to be in a marriage, to take a risk. I always ask my clients if they want a wedding or a marriage. The differences are monumental. Are you willing to grow and change? A marriage, for better or for worse means you are willing to grow, you are willing to step outside your comfort zone, you are willing to be vulnerable and accountable. It’s a beautiful thing to be in a marriage with someone you really love.

I often hear, ”I need to be physically attracted to him or her right away”, and I agree you want to find a potential match physically attractive even if they don’t look like your type, but remember physical attraction will change. It will change for all of us…guaranteed.

My advice is to keep an open mind and an open heart because often times what love looks like can be dramatically different than what you think. If you hold on to tight to that “picture in your mind” you might find yourself single and truly missing what we all desire; companionship, connection, and true love. Think about it…really, and then let go of your preconceived notions.


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