Take it or leave it, but in the past 5 years working with singles I am beginning to think that our society has completely malfunctioned when it comes to love, dating, romance, expectations, options, too many, not enough, quality…..more, more. We want to get married but most of us don’t know how to be in a marriage. We want the perfect person and expect it immediately or we fear it’ll never happen. We misunderstand that it takes time to get to know someone, that just because there isn’t a spark immediately (women) fireworks, love at first sight (that’s called lust) right away, we look for better.
We find better and then WHAT? We need to educate ourselves. Why does someone go to college for 4-8 years to build a career? College is the foundation of where we (most of us) begin our ‘adult’ lives. We graduate, get a job, maybe we even like it. So now what?
Love, we’ve wanted love and admiration since we were kids, it was exciting and scary and uncertain. But now we’re growing up, and maybe we are single, we wonder how or where we are going to meet the man/woman of our dreams, to build our life with, to build a family with, isn’t that the goal? The search for love. So we date and eventually meet the one you connect with, you get married, but you have no idea how to be in a marriage. You try but to no avail you sill can’t make it work. So divorce it is.
Why do we go to college to build a career but we don’t learn what it means to be in a relationship, to be in a marriage, to be a husband or a wife? We need love, yet we believe we’re entitled to be who we are and we refuse to change. We live in such an egotistical society that to many it doesn’t matter, as long as we look good to you, we show off an image that we want you to believe, but you don’t matter to us. So we neglect ourselves of the most important part of our life, love.
Bestselling author Dr. Sue Johnson writes: We are obsessed with love and love relationships. But what do we really know about love? We instinctively know that there is no other experience that will have more impact on our lives, our happiness and health, than our success at loving and being loved. We know that love makes us vulnerable, but also that we are never as safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved. At the most difficult moments of our lives nothing but the comfort of the ones we love will do. However, at the the end of the first decade of the 21st century, our species has smarts enough to split the atom and soar into space, WE STILL HAVE NO CLEAR OR RIGOROUS UNDERSTANDING OF THE INTENSE CONNECTION THAT IS SO CENTRAL TO OUR BEING.
Here is the ugly truth, from what I have seen, heard, experienced. There are more singles now than ever. More very lonely men and women who would rather write off what could be the love of their lives while they look for perfection (doesn’t exist). I’m going to be single forever is becoming more of a reality. Statistically at this point more men and women will turn 50 without ever having been married. They will give you every excuse except the truth. We’re scared, we’ve been hurt, we don’t know what we want and a lot of us are shallow. I’ve heard from 100’s of men and women, there are so many painfully sad stories, yet only a few are willing to change.
Life is passing us by, tomorrow is not a promise, and sooner or later we will be old, without a family of our own, without the love we need to survive. There are countless exceptions, obviously, but being to prideful to learn about that very thing we need and want the most leaves you alone, with no one else to blame. Shoot to be the exception to the rule, so that the rule becomes the exception.